Our Alienated Grandchildren Matter
Do you find yourself lying awake at night, obsessing as to what you did that would lead your adult child to push you out of their lives, and the lives of your grandchildren? Do you agonize about what the effect this tragedy will have on your precious grandchildren? As alienated grandparents today, we are in the vanguard of this most excruciatingly painful journey.
Mission Statement
Our Alienated Grandchildren Matter (OAGM) is a peer-support group for grandparents who have been alienated from their grandchildren by their adult children. Although deeply anguished, our grandchildren are unable to advocate for themselves. We work to strengthen their rights while helping ourselves.
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Everyone needs to have access both to grandparents and grandchildren in order to be a full human being.
Margaret Mead
Begun in 2020, OAGM presently meets on Zoom on a bimonthly schedule. We often host speakers with expertise in the Ontario Family law, psychology, family therapy, social work, and other related areas in order to broaden our knowledge and to help one another along this journey. Members are given time at each meeting to update the group on their individual situation, and to hear advice from other members. If they wish, OAGM members may join Zoom meetings anonymously. Privacy is of the utmost importance to our members. OAGM also organizes various social opportunities to lessen the isolation we all feel.
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Grandparents are given a second chance to enjoy parenthood with fewer of its tribulations and anxieties.
Margaret Mead
As strong advocates for the rights of our grandchildren, we operate within the boundaries of Ontario Family Law. We recognize that parents have the ultimate control of the lives of their children, and we do not promote an expectation to co-parent with parents, up to and including having custodial rights in any way.
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The closest friends I made all through life have been people who also grew up close to a loved and loving grandmother or grandfather.
Margaret Mead
OAGM is affiliated with an ongoing survey by Dr. Sue Chuang at Guelph University which looks to gather data from both alienated and non-alienated grandparents. Please contact us for more information about this survey.
Contact
Please feel free to contact us at:
org.oagm@gmail.com
Request to join our meetings.
Meetings
Testimonials
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The group at OAGM has been a lifesaver for me. My husband and I became aware that our son-in-law was very aggressive with our small grandchildren but he and my daughter refused to get help. After two years I called the Children’s Support Services for advice and help, and from that day we have never seen the children. We have never had a day of peace for almost 6 years. The Children’s Services and the Court system both refused to help us although we called to protect the grandchildren. This alienation further hurts the grandchildren. Until we found OAGM we felt so guilty. Now we can face each day with more hope and work toward the day we may see our grandchildren. Thank you OAGM.
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My daughter died in a terrible accident almost 7 years ago, and my grandchildren’s father promised I would always be in their lives. I did regular daycare for all of them. Once he remarried, I was pushed out. Then they moved away, so I can’t find them. I worry constantly as to how the grandchildren are coping emotionally with the loss of their beloved mother and now their grandparents. My life is now one of constant pain and loss. When a friend connected me with OAGM, I felt as though I had found a way to cope through conversations with other alienated grandparents. We at OAGM discuss ways to find hope, ideas to stay relevant in the lives of our grandchildren, and strategies for possible reconciliation. Although I still feel alienated, I am working on ways to leave my story for these little ones who have been traumatized through no fault of their own.
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My daughter-in-law was very dismissive of us from our first meeting but we chose to ignore that red flag. It made my husband angry, and hurt me deeply. Once the first grandchild came along we were not included in any celebrations or allowed many visits. Now we see our precious grandchildren only twice a year, while the other family sees them almost daily. It is so wrong, so unfair. OAGM has helped us to find ways to move through this trauma by building valuable friendships through OAGM.
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The professionals who appear at some of the OAGM zoom meetings have helped me to understand my daughter’s strange behaviour. Her mental health issues have led her to occasionally greet us wholeheartedly but most of the time we wait for an invitation from her to see our beloved grandchildren. I now have a better understanding of why my daughter behaves in this way and am beginning to find ways to help her. Perhaps in time my daughter and I can come to have a more stable relationship, but in the meantime the OAGM group is there to help.
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We were at our wit’s end when we were cut out of our son’s life. We had always been very close to our two granddaughters but suddenly our phone calls were not returned and we were told they were busy when we went their home. We spent untold hours and days questioning ourselves and feeling so lost. Our friends were beginning to avoid us until my other son was able to find OAGM so we could have people like us to talk to. Now we look forward to the biweekly meetings with its speakers and ideas. Most of all, at OAGM we have other people who are experiencing the same loss to share with.
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“We thought we were the only ones”! Our son was so close to us for his first 28 years, until he married this woman. My husband and I could never have imagined that the worst alienation, estrangement and erasing of our son and his children from our family could ever have happened. It did. We have been members of OAGM for 4 years and currently. Joining OAGM was the medicine we all needed. To hear others that unfortunately can almost reiterate their similar circumstances. Thank you, Connie, and everyone who have been there for us to empathize with our plight!